Safe to say I don't wear socks

I had a photo shoot last week at the Jupiter Hotel… If you are looking for the hipster, stereotypical early 20s Portlander, look no further. Every guy there had a scraggly beard and a hoodie, while the girls made sure their pants thinned down to the circumference of their ankles. Nothing wrong with this scene, as it IS Portland. The bonfire outside the Doug Fir lounge was always populated even though it was pouring rain and the blue lights around the open ended hotel gave an eerie glow that reflected nicely off the “not a bike rack” signs on the railing.

Now this hotel seemed like the perfect retro setting for the shoot EXCEPT whoever built those hotel rooms was definitely high. Ok sure, you don’t need the most room if you are just going up to pass out after partying down at the lounge until 2 am (and yes, you must sign the contract stating that the party will end at that time) but really is it too much to ask for some walking room? We had to upgrade to a double room just to have a place for a suitcase of clothes.

But here is the real shocker… to make the room look bigger, there are two 5’x 3’ mirrors across the top of the beds. If you are going to want the image of a party hotel (as proven with the party contract and free condom on the bedside table) then why not utilize those mirrors and put them on the ceiling?! Even if that is only done on the second story rooms (if the people above you were rowdy, could you imagine a massive mirror falling on you if you were on the bottom floor?!), at least they would be more use than on a wall that the only access is crawling to them on the bed.

The main point that I bring up this shoot is that at the end the photographer decides that my lingerie shots should become “sexy”. Yes, black lace lingerie is sexy, and it wasn’t like I was smiling through the beginning of that set, but he wanted REAL sexy. As in, cup your crotch and make orgasm faces. I started to laugh it off because that is just really lame, but NO…

Photographer: “Pretend there is all that tension building after making out with your boyfriend.”

Me: “Haha I wouldn’t be making faces if I was at that stage.”

P: “It’ll be more dynamic for the shot. Just pretend you are about to go over the edge.”

M: (still giggling) “Like arching my back and stuff?”

P: “Yes! Definitely!”

M: (snorts with laughter) “If you ask my boyfriend he’ll just tell you I make stupid faces at everything.”

Ugh. I know models are supposed to just do as they are instructed and be able to embody the emotion at the time for a good shot, but really?! That looks so trashy! I understand about looking sultry, but that is not sexy! That is soft-core porn! I am not an American Apparel model such as this advertisement:

Yes I know that is their advertising scheme, but I think it looks tacky and doesn’t MODEL anything, even if it sells those oh-so-orgasmic socks. Too bad that girl was proven to be a porn star and now is even more of a hoe. If the photog or model are trying to mimic that style, then please state that and have the necessary wardrobe to go along with it.

So really photogs, until I see a high class, gorgeous photo of an O face, I don’t want to do them. That is for my boyfriend to laugh at, and not for you to have on your memory cards. Please, show me some pictures where it works and I will reconsider my stance on this.